We who have been “crutching” for years bring you this quirky collaboration from College on Crutches and A Body of Hope. Being veterans of crutches, we have some funny and ironic insights to share. Here’s the wobbly truth about life on crutches:
– 2 Crutch Myths: #1 Crutches = terrible armpit burns. Myth #2 Doors are the worst. (If you are crutching properly, your pits will be spared. And doors are not enemy #1, but stairs do like to laugh at you. Bwahahahaha!)
-New rubber stoppers make awesome stocking stuffers. Thanks Mom!
-For every worn out left shoe you own, there is a pristine right one. (They should really sell single shoes for half off.)
-Crutches are wonderful for inspiring unique Halloween costumes (ie. Attaching ninja swords to your crutches and dressing in all black so you can win your work Halloween costume contest. Take that disability!).
-Whenever anyone runs past you, shout, “Show off!”
-Dryer sheets, puddles, and small objects on the floor are the crutch’s worst enemies. (Along with Gravity, of course.)
Crutches are Magnetic:
-Crutches mean you have something in common with most of the population, and folks love to tell you how much they understand you:
“I had a toenail surgery once, I know all about crutches.”
“Oh, I was on crutches for 3 days before. I totally know just how you feel.”
-Crutches invite the wildest stories people have of how they got injured:
“I had to use crutches after I was bitten by an amazon jungle slug I stepped on while doing yoga in my back yard.”
“I was on crutches after I broke my foot in the ‘Running of the Bulls’ in Spain. I was too drunk to remember it though! (He says, winking).”
-You can never go anywhere without someone asking what happened to you.
-“You’re so lucky! I’ve always wanted to be on crutches. It looks like so much fun.”
People often think it would be fun to try them out, and then when they do, it’s pretty entertaining to watch them realize how much work crutching truly is.
-Everyone and their mother asking, “Oh sweetheart, do you need help with that?!” even if you’re just carrying a piece of paper from the printer.
-Walking into a store and immediately being asked by the greeter if you need a wheelchair, and people in electric scooters suggesting you get on wheels, yourself.
-The kid you babysit for gets his own little pair of crutches, just so he can be like you.
Pros & Cons:
-One of the few crutch perks is that you can grab objects from a few feet away without getting up. Just sweep them over with your crutches.
-There should be a workout program utilizing crutches. Great for cardio and they really strengthen the arms and core. Lookout P90X!
-Rain and crutches don’t play well together; maneuvering a slick floor is a crutcher’s adrenaline rush.
-If anyone thinks disability is weakness and can take advantage….. you always have 2 handy weapons!!!
-It’s hard to hold someone’s hand and crutch at the same time.
Learn about Rwanda’s “Crutch Month Challenge” and how you can help get disabled homeless men and women off of the streets.
Posted on October 6, 2014, in Chronic Pain, Disability, Guest Bloggers, Humor, Walking Aids and tagged college on crutches, crps, Crutch Life, Crutch Month Challenge, crutches, disabilty, disabled, funny, funny things about crutches, how to use crutches, humorous, ironic, leg injury, rsd, Spoonie, walking aids. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.