Crutch Life

We who have been “crutching” for years bring you this quirky collaboration from College on Crutches and A Body of Hope. Being veterans of crutches, we have some funny and ironic insights to share. Here’s the wobbly truth about life on crutches:

Crutches are Hazardous by Cluestolife Funny Cartoons Blog | from "Crutch Life" funny article #Spoonie #crutches

Cluestolife Cartoons Blog

~Crutch Life~

– 2 Crutch Myths: #1 Crutches = terrible armpit burns. Myth #2 Doors are the worst.   (If you are crutching properly, your pits will be spared. And doors are not enemy #1, but stairs do like to laugh at you. Bwahahahaha!)

-New rubber stoppers make awesome stocking stuffers. Thanks Mom!

-For every worn out left shoe you own, there is a pristine right one. (They should really sell single shoes for half off.)

-Crutches are wonderful for inspiring unique Halloween costumes (ie. Attaching ninja swords to your crutches and dressing in all black so you can win your work Halloween costume contest. Take that disability!).

-Whenever anyone runs past you, shout, “Show off!”

-Dryer sheets, puddles, and small objects on the floor are the crutch’s worst enemies. (Along with Gravity, of course.)

Crutches are Magnetic:

-Crutches mean you have something in common with most of the population, and folks love to tell you how much they understand you:

“I had a toenail surgery once, I know all about crutches.”

“Oh, I was on crutches for 3 days before. I totally know just how you feel.”

-Crutches invite the wildest stories people have of how they got injured:

“I had to use crutches after I was bitten by an amazon jungle slug I stepped on while doing yoga in my back yard.”

“I was on crutches after I broke my foot in the ‘Running of the Bulls’ in Spain. I was too drunk to remember it though! (He says, winking).”

-You can never go anywhere without someone asking what happened to you.

-“You’re so lucky! I’ve always wanted to be on crutches. It looks like so much fun.”

People often think it would be fun to try them out, and then when they do, it’s pretty entertaining to watch them realize how much work crutching truly is.

-Everyone and their mother asking, “Oh sweetheart, do you need help with that?!” even if you’re just carrying a piece of paper from the printer.

-Walking into a store and immediately being asked by the greeter if you need a wheelchair, and people in electric scooters suggesting you get on wheels, yourself.

-The kid you babysit for gets his own little pair of crutches, just so he can be like you.

Pros & Cons:

-One of the few crutch perks is that you can grab objects from a few feet away without getting up. Just sweep them over with your crutches.

-There should be a workout program utilizing crutches. Great for cardio and they really strengthen the arms and core. Lookout P90X!

-Rain and crutches don’t play well together; maneuvering a slick floor is a crutcher’s adrenaline rush.

-If anyone thinks disability is weakness and can take advantage….. you always have 2 handy weapons!!!

-It’s hard to hold someone’s hand and crutch at the same time.

****************

Learn about Rwanda’s “Crutch Month Challenge” and how you can help get disabled homeless men and women off of the streets.

What is Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and why did it cause young women like CollegeonCrutches and aBodyofHope to become disabled?

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About abodyofhope

I do not know why it is that we must wade through tragic circumstances to find truth. We nearly drown! But under the water, there are pearls. I hope in writing this blog, more will come to the surface. Over the past 13 years living with chronic pain, patient advocacy has affected my life through so many remarkable young people, women and men: SURVIVORS. These individuals are HOPE personified. I wish to honor them in the same spirit they have encouraged me to press on. Six years ago, I became bed-bound from a variety of chronic illnesses after a procedure meant to help the pain condition I had been managing for several years- went bust #BIGTIME. In the last 6 years, my entire life has changed. I have changed, but I am still striving to live my best life possible. Along with sharing inspiring pieces, medical/holistic research, and awareness articles, this blog is also an attempt to put my own pieces back together. Welcome to A Body of Hope, and thank you for visiting. [Complex Regional Pain Syndrome/ RSD, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Dysautonomia, Chronic Intractable Migraine, Cluster headache, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Occipital Neuralgia, Hypersensitivity to Sound & Light, Fibromyalgia, Cerebrospinal Fluid Imbalance......blah, blah, blah] >>> P.S. My headgear is protective for pain. I just rock it hard.

Posted on October 6, 2014, in Chronic Pain, Disability, Guest Bloggers, Humor, Walking Aids and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I am cane-reliant, myself, so I relate to this completely, but there are a couple differences in cane life. This is perfectly funny, by the way. I wish someone would think to stocking-stuff a bunch of rubber tips for Christmas. I also wish that I would remember which size rubber tip my cane takes–it is the most old-fashioned style cane, the traditional wooden one-piece, yet it takes what is apparently an odd size (7/8 inch). Further, the tips do not easily slide off wooden canes for sizing purposes and retailers do not favor customers who open packages to find the right size.

    Crutches and canes both elicit the “What did you do to your leg?” line of conversation, which is asked in sympathy of course but with the expectation that you will next tell the inquirer the expected date when you will get better/throw away your crutch or cane and be healed. Life is about getting better and healthier, right? When the answer is not “next week,” the explanation often yields a quizzical look.

    I love your example of people asking, “Do you want help with that?” Without a cane I walk like I am a two-dimensional flat man, so I can actually carry stuff across a room if I get settled with it and then start off. People will helpfully surprise me by taking one side of it or grabbing it, which sometimes causes a fall.

    Canes add 10 years to one’s age. Or age adds 10 years to one’s cane.

    Good post. I enjoy your humor.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so glad you enjoyed it Mark.
    I did a cane for a just a short time and it was quite difficult being off center, so I really feel for your plight (look at me being one of THOSE people, acting like I know). Do random strangers really grab things from you? How intrusive!
    I’m actually a bed-bounder now, but for about 7 years I did most things on crutches.

    Amazon.com has a good selection of walking aid supplies if you haven’t checked there yet. You can’t fondle the merch first, but you might find you measurements 😉
    Thanks so much for stopping by!
    Watch out for slick spots!

    Like

  3. Hilarious! I love all of your wonderfully creative insights about using crutches! I can just imagine all the “war stories” you must hear from others who want to tell you about their experiences.

    and, if you can do stairs with crutches, i am thoroughly impressed!!

    Liked by 1 person

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