Today is the 10 year anniversary of my chronic pain journey! What kind of gift do I get for a ten year “Spoonaversary“? A chrome wheelchair? Imported silk compression stockings?
It’s the anniversary of the day that I was invited to go shopping with my mom and sister, but I said, “Nah, I have so much laundry and chores to catch up on, and I kind of wanted to try out this new pilates video. Next time… Have fun without me!” After my workout (dancing ballet around the living room to Fiona Apple), and in the middle of cleaning, I went down the basement steps with an armload of laundry and fell. When I landed on my leg, I felt and heard an audible lightning bolt SNAP run through my entire body. I knew I had broken my ankle. My father came and took me to the ER where my husband met us. But they said it was only a sprain. Just a few months later I was diagnosed with the debilitating, incurable, PERMANENT condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (RSD). It is said to be one of the most painful medical conditions a person can have. I was 22.
Lesson: Always take the invitation to go shopping over chores
Why should I look back on a sad day like that? Why remember a time that changed my life forever? Why should I even think of a day that crippled me and started a domino effect of chronic illnesses that have brought down my body since?
I celebrate October 24th because I have made it through 10 years. That is 10 years of life survived in spite of all of the pain and turmoil Complex Regional Pain Syndrome rained down. That is 3,651 days I have CHOSEN to live with this monster. Every day that I fight on, I honor the warriors whose lives have been taken from them because of this disease and for those who live daily, consumed in pain.
When I was diagnosed, I said: “No way! I cannot take this nightmare for one more second!!!” So I say to that terrified me at 22 years old: “You did it girl. It’s like some kind of miracle!”
I’m looking back on the last decade, knowing I am only alive because of the loving support of my husband, our wonderful family, online friends, and those physicians who have cared. This disease spreads, and it spreads through the whole family. They have come with me on this journey, and I am so thankful for their compassion and support. I’m not here because of my own strength by any means. People say that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but LIFE certainly does. And God sends us the resources to make it through life’s amazingly difficult valleys. I’m here today because His strength is sufficient when mine never is.
So what is the appropriate gift to give my body on this ten year celebration of life? We have been through so much together, body! (I don’t want to make her mad, you know…) If you have any suggestions, please share.
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Posted on October 24, 2014, in Being Myself, Chronic Pain, Inspiration, RSD/CRPS and tagged anniversary, awareness, Chronic Illness, Chronic pain, crps, injury, Nervember, rsd, Spoonie. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.