Why do I get melancholy around Easter?

While parents are hiding eggs, my mom is stuffing baskets full of chocolates and little treats (because she still does that for her 5 adult kids), while families are shopping for new dresses and suits for church, I feel a weight. No, not because I think any of those things are bad… I have nothing against fun or family celebrations.

As a Christian, I know that Easter is a happy time, but after Palm Sunday, grief always sets in- this is the week my Jesus died.

This is the week He was betrayed by His most trusted friends. This is the time we remember Him being beaten and humiliated in public. The Jesus I love allowed Himself to be hung on a cross until his human body was lifeless…

This is a scene that has been reenacted in movies and on television hundreds of times. If you are reading this, you have seen a graphic crucifixion scene. Most people are completely desensitized to it. In churches across the globe, followers memorialize the sacrifice by putting on “Passion Plays” meant to look just like His death and resurrection. I have seen countless reenactments, and I have to say, I cannot watch. I have always cringed at the sound of every lashing, the look of agony on the actor’s face brings tears to my eyes, and seeing His pain and suffering is something I cannot look on without having an emotional reaction. I never want to desensitize to it.

Each year I mourn the anniversaries of my closest loved ones who have passed, and would never want a replay of how those I love died. Would you?

After 9/11, everywhere you looked there were images of the towers coming down. It was too much. It broke my heart every time. I grew up in NYC. In that moment, people I knew and my beloved memories tumbled down with the planes. If you are deeply connected to it, it causes you grief when you remember the loss and pain.

To me, knowing Christ isn’t religious. It is a friendship. Deeper. An admiration. Stronger. A love that is beyond all other loves. When your spiritual life is supernatural, it’s personal, ever-changing, shifting and growing.

I had considered myself a Christian for a while, but it wasn’t until I was in my early 20’s that it hit me what His forgiveness truly meant. GRACE. I didn’t need to feel controlled by sleepless guilt, heavy burdens and worry any more. Knowing the meaning of grace and being inside of God’s grace are very different. My freedom had already been paid for- understanding that gift has changed me. Allowing my life to be ruled by regrets and endless concerns for the future was not God’s plan for me- the price had been paid.

Even though I grieve His suffering and His death this week, and I wish He could have paid the toll for us a different way, it is so beautiful that He gave His life willingly so that we could finally know the bountiful love and hope of God.

When Easter Sunday comes around, the melancholy will lift, grief will turn to gratitude, and I’ll be focused on His grace and resurrection. His broken, beaten body was renewed and is waiting for us in paradise.  Someday, this wrecked, fragile body will also be whole, without pain, without illness, and I’ll be able to look into His eyes and thank Him face to face for His gift of love, grace and forgiveness.

Have a blessed Easter week, and peace to those observing Passover.

About abodyofhope

I do not know why it is that we must wade through tragic circumstances to find truth. We nearly drown! But under the water, there are pearls. I hope in writing this blog, more will come to the surface. Over the past 15 years living with chronic pain, patient advocacy has had a powerful effect on my life through meeting so many remarkable teens, women and men: SURVIVORS. These individuals are HOPE personified. I wish to honor them in the same spirit they have encouraged me to press on. Eight years ago, I became bed-bound from a variety of secondary chronic illnesses. A procedure meant to help the pain condition I had been managing for several years- went bust #BIGTIME. Over the years, my entire life has changed. I have changed, but I am still striving to live my best life possible. Along with sharing inspiring pieces about spiritual wellness and finding quality of life inside of ongoing illness, I also share health research, awareness information, poetry, memes, art, and this blog is also an attempt to put my own pieces back together. Welcome to A Body of Hope, and thank you for visiting. [Complex Regional Pain Syndrome/ RSD, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Dysautonomia, Chronic Intractable Migraine, Cluster headache, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Occipital Neuralgia, Hypersensitivity to Sound & Light, Fibro, CFS/ME, Cerebrospinal Fluid Imbalance......blah, blah, blah] >>> P.S. My headgear is protective for pain. I just rock it hard ;)

Posted on April 4, 2015, in Spiritual Journey and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. God Bless you! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. How beautifully articulate you are, Mary. Thank you for putting into words the mixed emotions of Holy Week and for validating those of us who can’t bear to watch the depiction of Christ’s suffering. Knowing it, is hard enough; seeing it, is too much (for me). Thank you for your tender spirit and for sharing with us the victory of Christ’s resurrection.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bless you my dear friend … and happy Easter!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You write so beautifully. You have touched my heart and reminded me how much Jesus loved and loves us all. Thank you. I hope you and your family had a Happy and blessed Easter!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is such a great post. I, too, get sad around Easter. I was a Christian since childhood, but only recently have I started feeling a personal Father-daughter relationship with God. To imagine that Jesus put himself on that cross for all of us, and that he would have done it just for me? Wow. It’s incredible!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beautifully said…chills! Thank you for sharing such personal feelings of faith with me.
      Love is always exciting to talk about, but in this world it isn’t always easy. I’m humbled to learn more about your faith journey. Peace.


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