A Season of Waiting

10996053_10204217591452391_1532425959343231769_nWaiting is never a simple task. If you ask me if I am a patient person, I will say that I am patient with others, but have difficulty being patient with myself.

You might be waiting for an important test result to come in, for doctors to finally diagnose you after years of unexplained illness, for the medication trial to become available, or you might be waiting to see if your surgery heals without additional complications. You might be waiting for a loved one to return safely from a dangerous trip overseas, for important news about your finances, or you might be waiting to see if your friend will recover from cancer.

Waiting is a helpless feeling, no matter how much we can “help” the situation…the feeling that we are not the ones in control of the outcome makes us feel useless. Not knowing the outcome causes anxious, nervous impatient feelings that, for me come in waves which are accompanied by a racing mind.

For a person who started out bread to be the go-to person for fixing and fast problem solving, it seems life instead has been teaching me about patience, seeking guidance and waiting out storms. Instead of giving me problems to solve, I have problems that can only be solved through the healing of time.

Even though it is a useless feeling to wait, wait, wait, I don’t believe in waiting we are supposed to throw our hands up and stop seeking guidance. There are always more calls we can make, more specialists we can see, ways we can take care of our health, and people we can reach out to. But, if you have been waiting on something that weighs on your heart, there is only so much you can do to push the pace of the answer you so desire. Sometimes we can spin ourselves into a frenzy trying to get the answer we want to come to us faster, when some things are out of our hands. Praying, quietly seeking guidance and listening are also useful actions- though exceedingly more difficult to choose.

I am waiting for some very important answers in my life right now…Some answers that will forever change life as I know it to be. Maybe you remember a stretch of time like that from your past, and how you felt. How did you fill those long days waiting for tomorrow? Because of so many years of chronic illness, it feels as though waiting has been a regular part of life. Life with chronic illness teaches us to find the good, useful, and gratitude inside of the seemingly unlivable. These years of health struggles have taught me to lean into my faith and seek spiritual guidance. I am so grateful for the support and wisdom from those I respect, and I hope to be molded during this trial – what is God teaching me in this moment? …Because nothing is ever wasted.

Earlier this year, I wrote that “strength comes at the step we are on. Not weeks or months ahead.” As I work on waiting, and asking for patience, I try not to dwell on what challenges might come tomorrow. If you remember, my opening post for 2015 was a “No Fear Campaign.” It makes me want to shake my head when I think of the year God has been preparing me for!

About waiting, many say, “Just give it to God” as though it is as simple as forgetting about your heartache with your spouse, or your worries with your family, or your daily physical struggle with health that I know so many reading this are living with. I’m sorry if anyone has said that to you without compassion for what you are going through.

The past couple weeks have felt like an avalanche in many ways. When all of the rubble and dirt fell over me, and I went sliding down the hillside into the valley with the mound, even though I’m covered in a whole pile of dark unanswered questions, underneath, I’m praying, and studying, and being still (listening). Hopefully, this trial of waiting will lead to growth from that soil and rubble. My story is not finished. God is not through with me. Waiting is not doing nothing, waiting can be the most growing period in a person’s life. I am asking to be transformed during a time in limbo.

What did you do or what did you learn while you were in a season of limbo?

“Patience is power.

Patience is not an absence of action;

rather it is “timing”

it waits on the right time to act,

for the right principles

and in the right way.”

― Fulton J. Sheen

“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagles,

They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

“What we are waiting for is not as important as what happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.”

― Mandy Hale

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About abodyofhope

I do not know why it is that we must wade through tragic circumstances to find truth. We nearly drown! But under the water, there are pearls. I hope in writing this blog, more will come to the surface. Over the past 11 years living with chronic pain, patient advocacy has affected my life through so many remarkable young people, women and men: SURVIVORS. These individuals are HOPE personified. I wish to honor them in the same spirit they have encouraged me to press on. Four years ago, I became bed-bound from a variety of chronic illnesses after a procedure meant to help the pain condition I had been managing for several years- went bust #BIGTIME. In the last 4 years, my entire life has changed. I have changed, but I am still striving to live my best life possible. Along with sharing inspiring pieces, medical/holistic research, and awareness articles, this blog is also an attempt to put my own pieces back together. Welcome to A Body of Hope, and thank you for visiting. [Complex Regional Pain Syndrome/ RSD, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Dysautonomia, Chronic Intractable Migraine, Cluster headache, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Occipital Neuralgia, Hypersensitivity to Sound & Light, Fibromyalgia, Cerebrospinal Fluid Imbalance......blah, blah, blah] >>> P.S. My headgear is protective for pain. I just rock it hard.

Posted on May 17, 2015, in Being Myself, Growing, Inspiration, Marriage and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I always wonder if one day I am going to look back and all this waiting will make sense in the big picture. My treatment didn’t start today as it was expected, and I’m done with that hospital. That means I’m going to have to keep on waiting, with symptoms getting worse. But I still hope that one day I will look back and realize that it all ended up being for the best.

    Like

    • I am so sorry your treatment didn’t pan out! It is so terrible when we really NEED something to come through- even for the HOPE of it.
      Like you said, maybe in time you will look back and say this was for the best. Maybe if you find out this treatment would have been bad for you and the next one could be the one you are really meant to have instead? But it still is a huge blow if you really had hopes it could make a difference for you.
      I’ll pray that you get something that HELPS you soon. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh sweetie, your writing as always is so inspiring.. this past year as been the worse for the ” waiting”. after the heart attack there were so many decisions to make, and so many I just couldn’t make. I had to trust in God and believe he was leading me in the right path. This year without Gerry and spending so much time alone as been a waiting game of what next and what to do with out lives but as time as past and I slowly got my strength back he has lead us into realizes managing two households is just too much. As you have said waiting isn’t easy.. it can leave you powerless but sometimes when you get through it you can then see the growth in it. Trust in yourself through this. Don’t let negativity get in your way. Shut it out, it does no good, whether it is true or not, you don’t need it right now. Trust in the positive and go from there my sweet friend and remember I will always be here no matter what happens at the end of the waiting.. Hang in there, you are loved by so many….

    Liked by 1 person

    • You have had so many trying circumstances that caused you to have to wait longingly, or wait with faith this past year. You are a great example of growing while you are waiting, and I am so grateful to have been part of your life during this past year of trials. You offer excellent advice; focusing on the positive, God’s goodness, and beautiful loving friends like you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautiful words. Thank you so much for writing from your heart. It isn’t the easiest thing…waiting.
    I am reminded of the Psalm 27:14
    Wait on the Lord. Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, wait in the Lord.
    So glad I stumbled upon your blog today!

    Liked by 1 person

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