~It’s the love that hurts the most~
Is that you?
Is that your voice I heard whispering to me last night?
In a dream,
In a nightmare,
In a moment, I felt you again.
I rolled around in the sticky sickly pieces of our past.
I awoke covered in your aftermath.
Threatened by your promises,
Violence to my heart,
The remnants of our love still cut me,
Shards slice through my consciousness,
Ripping me apart.
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About abodyofhope
I do not know why it is that we must wade through tragic circumstances to find truth. We nearly drown! But under the water, there are pearls. I hope in writing this blog, more will come to the surface. Over the past 15 years living with chronic pain,
patient advocacy has had a powerful effect on my life through meeting so many remarkable teens, women and men: SURVIVORS. These individuals are HOPE personified. I wish to honor them in the same spirit they have encouraged me to press on.
Eight years ago, I became bed-bound from a variety of secondary chronic illnesses. A procedure meant to help the pain condition I had been managing for several years- went bust #BIGTIME. Over the years, my entire life has changed. I have changed, but I am still striving to live my best life possible. Along with sharing inspiring pieces about spiritual wellness and finding quality of life inside of ongoing illness, I also share health research, awareness information, poetry, memes, art, and this blog is also an attempt to put my own pieces back together. Welcome to A Body of Hope, and thank you for visiting. [Complex Regional Pain Syndrome/ RSD, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Dysautonomia, Chronic Intractable Migraine, Cluster headache, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Occipital Neuralgia, Hypersensitivity to Sound & Light, Fibro, CFS/ME, Cerebrospinal Fluid Imbalance......blah, blah, blah] >>> P.S. My headgear is protective for pain. I just rock it hard ;)
aBodyofHope 
What a brilliant post.
I’m so sorry that it is so painful. But i feel comforted that I am not alone in this chronic illness and divorce nightmare. Some days are so good and others as you describe.
Sending love and wishes that you find hope and authentic love.
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Hi Catherine, Thank you ❤
Yes you're right, it's up and down. Like any grief, it hits you and I just have to let it out. How long has it been for you now?
You aren't alone, and thank you for showing me I'm not alone either.
I'm also at DisabledandDivorced.wordpress.com
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Yet heals the most too!
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Wow! O_O First of all, I honestly am not one to revel in poetry. Only reason I was the top of my university poetry class is because I was top-notch at analyzing them. But this one REALLY moved me. I did not read words, I felt it. So so rare. Saving it…
As you may remember, I divorced once. A big part of it was his inability to deal with my oh-so-very-mild chronic pain and fatigue back then. He’d blame and guilt me, took years to realize he could have helped so much more while I took on ALL the chores with my hurting body.
And yet, with my now loving and selfless husband who confirms my ex’s ways were indeed ridiculous and horrible when I tell him why I fear this or that, I feel relieved. Yet, my ex’s ghost does haunt my nightmares like in your poem.
Maybe because I am afraid the severity of my present condition will drive him nuts, not me personally but the conditions. And then my mind weaves this perfect storm using my ex as the flagship of my nightmares because that’s how my ex acted. Fourteen years after the divorce, which I initiated, and still fears. BUT…
But dear Mary, those fears which I share and shared pale compared to what I have gained alone by stopping the abuse, I regained my self-worth by being single for 10 years by choice not out of desperation, and then gained even more with my loving husband. And if I had not met him, I had promised I would never go back to a relationship like before. Not worth it. In my healthy friends, I keep seeing the ravages over and over again, and find it ironic how when faced with situations they can fix (unlike severe health conditions), they choose not to. It’s all about choice in relationships. So rest well, the dreams will get better…
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Thank you sweet Clau for sharing your heart, and experience. It means so much to me, especially today at the one year of separation mark. I’m so sorry you went through a broken heart, and it still haunts you at times. Your sweet supportive husband seems to be healing and soothing those wounds well 🙂 Gentle hugs and thank you again ❤
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I have no words to make your poem justice. It will stay with me.
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❤ This is the first poem I've been able to write in the last year. Today is the day that makes it a full year of living apart. Thank you for allowing me to feel like I can share personal feelings like these ❤
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Your words go straight to my heart’s center. Sending a big gentle hug and much love ❤
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Thank you ❤ That's always how I feel about yours xo Soft hugs and love back to you
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Reblogged this on DisabledandDivorced and commented:
Sharing from my page abodyofhope. This year I’ve been very quiet sorting through all of the transitions since the split. The very sudden news was a shock to my system, and the awful news kept coming afterward. It seemed neverending, but the earthquakes and landmines have stopped life has once again normalized.
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