The Worst Lie in Chronic Illness

audry kawalski dishonest heart

Audri Kawalski Dishonest Heart

As chronic illness sufferers, we are so often reminded of something that I believe is of great detriment to our well being. When well people tell us that our health struggles, our personal challenges, the great storms of our lives will some day be of use. I’ve grown to loathe this idea. I realize that it is meant to be an encouragement, however, it causes myself and my brothers and sisters in pain deeper despair. “Some day?” It’s as though they are reminding us that we don’t have as much to give until we are restored to health. I completely reject anything of the sort!

I believe that you and I are worthy and valuable just as we are. Yes, right now. You were no more “special” when your nervous system was working properly, but I can attest that the memory of wellness certainly has a shining halo around it.

We feel so small and insignificant after illness devours our lives, and those we love in its wake. There is no “after the tsunami lifts” with chronic illness, as we are always seeking out cover, our safe places are constantly being destroyed, and the physical and emotional turmoil can feel endless. My only peace is in God, a relationship which has grown inside of my own tsunami.

This is a message I try to frequent on this page because I struggle so deeply with the whispers that my life isn’t enough, I should be doing more, and I would be so much more valuable as a person if only my body worked again. This is my pride speaking!

In those moments when the whispers win, I have forgotten how many opportunities I’m supplied with to have an impact, even in the very midst of my personal battles. Maybe, and probably because of my personal struggles, I’ve been allowed these chances. What seemingly small opportunities and connections might you be taking for granted in your own life?

The next time someone reminds you that all the pain you are battling will be worth something some day, please remind them that pain doesn’t have to stay hidden, and that your time traveling the path of illness isn’t a waste.

I don’t believe we must wait until we are perfect for our lives to have value. If that’s true, then we will all be waiting forever! Are we meant to see the silver lining in every storm before God can give us purpose through it? Even in the very midst of the battle, your story, your experience, your willingness to relate to and comfort others is so rare and valuable that it stands out among the noise and busy crowded world we live in.

It’s so easy to withdraw when the going gets tough. In time, however, we feel so marginalized and isolated. You do have a voice. Your story, your purpose, your personal gifts matter- and you are needed in this world.

We undervalue the quiet connections, asking others how they are and listening in return, sending a note by mail to a struggling friend, or letting someone know they have been in your prayers. Society does not measure these acts as successes, but what if you redefine success? You may have very little energy to spare, but what you have to share is precious.

I believe God’s measure of success looks much different than our own. We become so focused on perfection, staying hidden until the right moment to present ourselves shiny and clean, having overcome our difficult and uncomfortable circumstances. This is what the rest of the world applauds. But don’t we each have unique and valuable lessons to share that come with the daily perseverance of ongoing disease?

 

It’s one thing to be crippled by a body that relentlessly fights against you, but please don’t believe the lie that you are less-than or it will cripple your spirit.

*******

 

You are Never too Messy to Matter

A Positive Message for your Lying Brain

Praying: Can you hear me now?

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About abodyofhope

I do not know why it is that we must wade through tragic circumstances to find truth. We nearly drown! But under the water, there are pearls. I hope in writing this blog, more will come to the surface. Over the past 11 years living with chronic pain, patient advocacy has affected my life through so many remarkable young people, women and men: SURVIVORS. These individuals are HOPE personified. I wish to honor them in the same spirit they have encouraged me to press on. Four years ago, I became bed-bound from a variety of chronic illnesses after a procedure meant to help the pain condition I had been managing for several years- went bust #BIGTIME. In the last 4 years, my entire life has changed. I have changed, but I am still striving to live my best life possible. Along with sharing inspiring pieces, medical/holistic research, and awareness articles, this blog is also an attempt to put my own pieces back together. Welcome to A Body of Hope, and thank you for visiting. [Complex Regional Pain Syndrome/ RSD, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Dysautonomia, Chronic Intractable Migraine, Cluster headache, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Occipital Neuralgia, Hypersensitivity to Sound & Light, Fibromyalgia, Cerebrospinal Fluid Imbalance......blah, blah, blah] >>> P.S. My headgear is protective for pain. I just rock it hard.

Posted on July 29, 2016, in Inspiration, Purpose, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. I love, love, love this post. Beautifully written and so very true.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so thankful you connected with it, Beck! That’s the only thing I could ask for is that there is another soul out there who can relate to something I’ve also felt. Thank you for making my day!
      Mary

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you dear Mary, for expressing what many of us feel inside! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for writing this. It reminds me of what I need to do emotionally & mentally for my wife’s challenges.

    Like

  4. Mary, your words touch my heart. You tug at the emotional struggle people with chronic pain or chronic illness journey each day. Thank you for reminder that God sees our heart and the love we give to each other, whether through prayers, understanding words, deeds, or a simple gentle hug.Love you my sweet friend ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Kimberly Owen

    As usual, a brilliant and heart felt blog post. You have put in print the thoughts that tend to run through my thoughts frequently.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A very good and heartfelt piece. Thank you.
    I know I’m in the minority, but my position (horizontal, mostly, in the physical) doesn’t rely on hope.
    Yes, this is possible, and it’s not my invention.
    Translated from the Anglo-Saxon
    “Will shall be the sterner, heart the bolder, spirit the greater as our strength lessens.”
    (Said by soldiers facing a losing battle, who will neither run nor surrender.)

    Black humour helps (me) too.

    Like

  7. Wonderful post. I am so glad I read it. To tell you the truth, I feel like I am a much better person now that I am chronically ill. I am wiser, more compassionate. more loving, and have learned what really matters in my life. My priorities have changed, for the better.

    Not to say I was a bad person when I wasn’t ill, I was just very different. I was very career driven and missed out on a lot of things that I should have valued more.

    Chronic illness has taught me some of the most valuable lessons of my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Lynn, I love your positive and grateful attitude! You have a lovely spirit I can feel through your words.
      Chronic illness doesn’t always allow the best attributes to shine forth. We have to make a choice every moment to seek out gratitude instead of seeing all the loss, choose to be forgiving with others instead of closed off, etc. Chronic illness is a stern teacher! I don’t think any of us get through it without learning many difficult life lessons which either grow us or shrink us down. We choose.
      Thank you for your thought provoking comment!
      Take good care.

      Like

  8. I agree with you; the implication of the statements made by those who still have their health is like saying we have to wait until we’re “over it” for our lives to be of use. I believe we can do important work now and that is much more useful in real-time than it could ever be in retrospect because people can be educated best when things are not candy-coated. The war quality of life in-progress is far more authentic than once it’s all over (and for many of us it will never be all over until we die).

    These blogs are a legacy that we can leave to others. Keep writing and educating the world! The more we let people into our world, the more the world as a whole improves!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you for sharing your life, all the wonderful and helpful information. There are so many things that you share that attach themselves to my heart and soul. Thank you for being you and as I send you feather hugs, remember always do what is best for you.

    Like

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