Kiss my Affirmation
If you like someone to boss you into positive thinking, this affirmation list is the perfect place for you. Welcome! By the way, that was your first affirmation. I’m charging you per happy thought- they don’t come cheap these days, you know? If this makes you smile, that’s double. Technically, it’s not exactly a mantra, but it still counts as positivity. I didn’t make up the rules! If you don’t like it, take it up with the Bureau for Good Vibes. They are monsters when it comes to positive thinking. Just try to have a single doubt in their presence, and security will escort you straight out of the building. Those people sound laid back and relaxed, but that’s just what they want you to think. The truth? Two words: Illuminati.
In an attempt to get on their good side, I’ve bribed them with a vintage set of Bob Ross, The Joy of Painting VHS tapes. I’m crossing my fingers that Bob’s “happy little trees” and positive vibe-spraying hair will get me some good karma with the underground happy committee. So I’m sweetening the pot with this affirmation list.
All kidding aside, below is a mix of uplifting words, and useful reminders for you and any friend who might need a pick-me-up. I like to tack encouraging messages for myself up on my wall as a simple way to keep focused on bright spots in my life. (Especially when that darn happiness bureau is out there😉).
- Your butt is the perfect size.
- You give good Facebook.
- Repeat after me: “It’s ok if the house is messy.”
- You folded the socks today- good job! You deserve a cookie.
- You are enough- as you are.
- You don’t have to be fearless to be brave.
- Try being grateful instead of guilty.
- It won’t be perfect, but it will be epic!
- Don’t forget that you’re a stone cold warrior.
- You didn’t swear in front of the kids today! A++
- You changed out of your slippers! Well done, you.
- You almost worked out? Gold star🌟 You earned yourself another cookie 😉
- The plants are still alive- that’s the way!
- You paid all your bills on time ✔✔
- You wore a bra today- Killing it!
- A nap is a great idea!!!
- You ate a salad? Beast mode.
- Face each day like you have a glue stick in one hand and a jar of glitter in the other.
- Punch today in the face like it’s bullying your kid. (But don’t be seriously punching kids for real though, k? Weirdo.)
- Take your vitamins, get some sunshine, wash behind your ears, and never forget to DVR Project Runway.
- Stop. Freaking. Out.
- You’ve got this.
- Deep breaths.
- Tomorrow is not for today.
- You are meant to be.
- Your purpose goes beyond the walls of a building.
- God has always loved you, and always will.
- No need to make the bed- what kind of psycho does that anyway?
- In some cultures, tummy rolls are a sign of beauty and prosperity. True story.
- If you wish you had more curves, smile more. Your smile is the best curve on your body.
- Smile. Take selfies. Wear what you want. Be happy in your skin. There are millions of people who would love to look like you (including you in about 20 years.)
- You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy chocolate. And that’s pretty close.
- I followed my heart, and it lead me to the fridge.
- I’m learning to be my authentic self…my authentic self believes you should be doing the laundry.
- On an emoji scale from unicorns to poops, make today a unicorn kind of day🦄
- In today’s world, caring about other people is about the most radical thing you can do.
- If your grandma were going through what you are now, what would you want to tell her?
- All of this will be worth it in the end.
According to studies in positive psychology dating back since the 1980’s, the way affirmations work is you must be mindful to repeat the same phrase to yourself over an extended period. Say the positive affirmation every time you have the compusively negative or harmful thought you’re trying to replace. For example, each time you have a reocurring thought or feeling of loneliness, use the same powerful phrase, quote or prayer to affirm that you are loved. In time, you can actually change your own mind and the way you think!
I would love to hear your personal favorite affirmation in the comments section below.
Posted on October 20, 2017, in Humor, Inspiration, quotes, Uncategorized and tagged affirmations, best funny quotes, funny, funny affirmations, funny mantras, humor, Inspiration, inspirationalizing, kiss my affirmation, Positive mantras, punch up your affirmations, sassy affirmations for chronic pain. Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.