Exposing Myself…

You read my blog. And you might read my tweets. You might even know me on facebook or in a support group. But, chances are, you probably don’t know what has been going on in my life this past year. For the next month, I’m going to crack the lid off of my mess. For better or worse…

That last line is ironic for more than one reason.

My husband of 14 years divorced me just last month. And, my sister is about to get married this month. Oh, how the universe laughs at us!

What else? You probably know that I have had chronic pain for the last 11 years, and then 4, going on 5 years ago, I became bedbound due to a failed procedure causing several other chronic illnesses. I’ve had to fight for my life, my pain has been…I can’t find an adjective to describe this pain…and the illness I experience is like every part of my body is at war with itself.

What’s new with my health? I am in home physical therapy, I’ve hired a home care professional, and I believe I am beginning on a slow, steep path to “recovery.”

I haven’t been physically able to tolerate more than whispering sound and very low light for years, nor have I been able to walk outside, walk unassisted, sit upright, or stand up completely without passing out, but I am planning on attending my sister’s wedding ceremony at the end of the month!

Yes, please take that in.

This will be the first time I have left the house, except for being taken to the doctor or emergency hospital visits in over 4 years…and I will be my sister’s maid of honor. It’s huge, and it has been an amazing motivation for me. Now that the day is getting so close, I admit, my determination and excitement is wavering as reality is sinking in.

As I prepare for the coming wedding: mentally, physically, and emotionally, I will also be dipping my baby toe into the divorce, my loss, the transition, and possibly, at times, wholly plunging into those bubbling emotional waters- once I start writing, who knows what will happen!

This has never been a journal-type blog, but for at least this month, I am going there. You are invited, if you want to come with.

New page, DisabledandDivorced just launched.