Chronic Pain Time Machine

When we are children, time goes by soooo slowly- sometimes we have more vivid memories from youth than just last week. In High school, I remember dating someone, feeling as though we were together for years when in reality the time may have only been months, but the value of it was just as great as many years. Was it the focus perhaps? The undivided attention? Was it the emotional impact? The relationship blew out a canyon of feelings and memories… like nothing you had ever felt or experienced before.

“Time is an illusion.” -Albert Einstein

“Time is what you make of it.” -unknown

I think about things like this from my bed now. I feel time slipping through my grasp at an alarming speed when I think about how long I’ve been chronically ill. [Especially] When I think of all of the missed celebrations gone by. The weddings. The births. All of my best friend’s son’s birthdays missed. My baby brother’s sporting events.

Only one life

Once in a lifetime

Don’t look back

Crane your neck

*

Only one life

Sand in a bottle

Sand so quick

Sand like diamonds

Every single moment

So damn precious

*

Only one life

Slow down time

Ticking on by

Once in a lifetime

Time like diamonds

Moments shine

Around your neck

But there’s another side to experiencing time. Now this is a secret that people with chronic pain know that I’ll be letting you in on:

Time slows down when you are suffering. The more pain you are in, the slower time goes.

Slow time in pain is definitely NOT like the gift it sounds like, however. Mostly, we are wishing for the minutes to speed up. But time going by faster will not diminish the pain, unfortunately. I used to push myself to get through each minute. Watching the clock, I would be relieved I got through another minute gone by- another day passed. Congratulations to me- I got through the day! The problem with that is wishing away time. Before I knew it, so much time had gone by and my condition was only worsening, treatments weren’t helping, and ticking away my life’s minutes was only getting me closer to worse problems in my future.

I cannot control so many of my circumstances, and I cannot go out and DO all that the world once called from me. However, I see a new opportunity presented. Precious moments with loved ones can be truly cherished instead of rushed through. I’m not implying everyone in pain has a surplus of time on their hands. No. In fact, what this means is the pain is so outrageous that I’m fighting not falling asleep, passing out, or screaming out loud. This very physical fight between my will and body is where the precious moments lie between. Where my best friend holds my hand at my bedside whispering to me about her son’s new toys at Christmas with a twinkle in her eyes. This is where time slows down and the moment seems to go on and on.

Life is a gift. We only have so much time. And we each only have one trip. If your current time feels it has slowed down, maybe it can be an opportunity to focus on the moments that matter.  Looking back, time will always feel like it went by too quickly. No matter your present circumstances, you always have a choice in how you spend your moments.

Time Quotes

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